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June 10, 2018

The greatest sporting event in the world is here! If you are reading this article I assume you are as pumped for the World Cup as I am, so I won't bore you with an introduction that rehashes talking points you've already read in five other articles. I'll jump straight into my own pointlessly subjective opinions, hot takes and wildly inaccurate predictions, the real reason you are here.

Group A

Russia, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Uruguay

Russia, a country notorious for its lack of corruption and the host of this tournament, has been miraculously placed in the easiest group in modern history. Not necessarily the best look for FIFA, an organization that would surely want to avoid any additional corruption accusations. Even then, Russia might fail to qualify for the group stage. Russia has an aging squad and a manager who still doesn't know who his best 11 players are.

Looking at the rest of the group, Uruguay are the clear favorites. They have an internationally experienced squad, balanced with reliable veterans in defense and youthful midfielders looking to prove themselves. Uruguay possess two of three best players in the group in Luis Suárez and Edinson Cavani, and the other, Mohamed Salah, plays for Egypt. Salah looks like he will be back from his injury in time for their match against Russia, which will most likely decide the fate of the group. Salah normally plays with a smile on his face, but he came across as pretty angry in a recent interview discussing his injury at the hands of Sergio Ramos. That anger could be just the edge Egypt need to take them to the next level and get them out of the group. Finally, Saudi Arabia are a few levels below the rest of the competition here, and will be playing for draws in their matches.

Group Winner: Uruguay
Group Second Place: Egypt

Group B

Portugal, Spain, Morocco, Iran

This group should be fairly cut and dry. Portugal are Spain are two of the best international squads in the world, Morocco and Iran are unfortunately not. That being said, both of the lesser teams are actually pretty decent, and shouldn't be blown out in any of their group stage games. Watch out for Morocco's Hakim Ziyech in particular, he wouldn't look out of place in Portugal or Spain's squads.

Portugal may look like a one-man team to the casual observer, but in truth they have talent across the field. Cristiano Ronaldo deservedly gets all the attention, but Rui Patricio, Pepe, João Moutinho are also integral parts of the team. Bernardo Silva and André Silva are both young players who made the leap this year from promising players to actual talents and rising stars, and will look to continue their growth here. Spain are one of the most complete squads in the tournament, and shouldn't have any issue advancing from this group. The biggest question mark for Spain is how to fit all their midfield stars onto the field. Busquets, Iniesta and David Silva are the experienced veterans who have earned their starting spots, but at the same time it sounds like insanity to be potentially leaving Thiago, Isco, Koke and others sitting on the bench.

Group Winner: Spain
Group Second Place: Portugal

Group C

France, Australia, Peru, Denmark

France are another country with an obscene amount of talent at every position, but they've struggled to put it all together and look like the top-tier team that they should be. This is a team that could win the World Cup with ease, but they also drew against USA's mostly U-21 team on Saturday. They need Paul Pogba to deliver on his immense potential, and to find a formation that gets the most out of Griezmann, Mbappé and Giroud.

Denmark and Peru are the other two top contenders in the group, and start their tournaments playing each other. Peruvians worldwide will be thanking the Coca Tea Gods that Paolo Guerrero has been unbanned and can play in the World Cup. Guerrero hasn't played a match since November, though, so it remains to be seen how effective he will be. For Denmark, they will be thanking the Norse Gods that they don't have to worry about any coca habits for Christian Eriksen. Him, Pione Sisto, and Yussuf Poulsen should provide enough attacking firepower to advance in the group. That brings us to Australia. It's always fun to root for the boys from down under, but they will be outmatched in this group.

Group Winner: France
Group Second Place: Denmark

Group D

Argentina, Iceland, Croatia, Nigeria

Argentina is the other supposed one-man team in the tournament, along with Portugal, but they will need more than just Leo Messi to win the tournament. Messi and Argentina are the soccer version of Lebron and the Cavaliers. Higuaín is an even better foil than J.R. Smith. Messi is the best player in the world and did everything he could possibly do to win the 2014 World Cup, but the rest of the team just didn't do enough. Here's to hoping that Di Maria, Agüero and Higuaín contribute enough offensively to help Messi this time.

Elsewhere in the group, Iceland is the soccer version of every action movie that stars Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (note that this does not include the Fast & Furious series, those are incredible movies that stand on their own and deserve a separate paragraph, but alas this blog post was supposed to be about soccer). Iceland are a fun team, more entertaining than should reasonably be expected, and are led by a star player that is way more talented than he has any right to be. It does feel a little strange to compare Gylfi Sigurdsson to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, but somehow it just works.

Croatia is a great team, but it's hard to make a comparison between them and the acting careers of any ex-professional wrestlers, unfortunately. Their midfield is stacked with Luka Modric and Ivan Rakitic, midfielders for Real Madrid and Barcelona respectively, which is something few countries can boast. Comparatively, Nigeria's most important midfield player will be Mikel John Obi, who is playing soccer in China and is somehow only 31 years old. Nigeria are a strong team with some quality players, and will probably upset one of the teams above, but don't have the depth to compete across the group.

Group Winner: Argentina
Group Second Place: Croatia

Group E

Brazil, Switzerland, Costa Rica, Serbia

After more than a decade of underperformance and declining talent, Brazil have been Made Great Again. Neymar, Gabriel Jesus and Philippe Coutinho are the offensive stars, but what makes this Brazil squad different than the one that lost to Germany 7-1 four years ago will be the defensive structure. Casemiro, Thiago Silva, Miranda and Marcelo are all world class players at their positions and should provide the stability that allows Neymar and co. to shine.

None of Switzerland, Costa Rica, and Serbia will be pushovers, though. Switzerland is an experienced squad that has done well at past Euros and World Cups, but they have an aging midfield and their most promising young player, Breel Embolo, is just coming back from a yearlong injury. Serbia has less international tournament experience, but they do have a young X-factor in Sergej Milinkovic-Savic. They will go as far as he can take them. Costa Rica will be looking to show the world that their Quarter-final appearance in 2014 wasn't a fluke. The problem for them is that it probably was a fluke. Keylor Navas is an incredible goalkeeper, but Bryan Ruiz and Christian Bolaños aren't getting any younger, and aren't top players in the first place.

Group Winner: Brazil
Group Second Place: Switzerland

Group F

Germany, Mexico, Sweden, South Korea

I hate to say it, but this German team is GOOD. Again. The only positions they don't have best-in-world level players are fullback and striker, but then again, their options there are still pretty good. Timo Werner and Joshua Kimmich are among the best young players at their positions, striker and right back, respectfully. Sometimes life isn't fair - Germany being this consistently good at soccer is one of those times.

Sweden might have their most collectively skilled team in years, but they don't have an attacking catalyst like Zlatan anymore to push them over the line and get them out of this group. South Korea do have that kind of attacking player in Heung-min Son, the best Asian player of his generation, but they don't have enough quality elsewhere in the squad to give them much of a chance. That leaves Mexico, who have a talented team full of players who play in top European leagues. Keep an eye on Hirving Lozano, who could Mexico's best player for years to come.

Group Winner: Germany
Group Second Place: Mexico

Group G

Belgium, Panama, Tunisia, England

Dare I say it, this England team is actually pretty good. Harry Kane is the most complete forward in the world (Yes, I'm a Spurs fan, but can you blame me for being biased?). Raheem Sterling, Dele Alli and Marcus Rashford are dynamic attackers that can excel on the world stage. I'm actually really excited to see this England team play.

Belgium is another star-studded team that can't quite put it all together. It doesn't help that they have a manager, Roberto Martinéz, who prefers unintuitive tactics and lineup choices. He left one of their best players, Radja Nainggolan, out of the World Cup team obstenibly because he smokes cigarrettes. With Eden Hazard, Kevin De Bruyne, Romelu Lukaku and others, it should be easy to manage this team to at least the Semi-finals, but surely Martinéz will mess that up. Panama are the team that beat out the United States for the last CONCACAF qualifying spot, so I don't have any anything interesting to say about them. Tunisia are the highest-rated African team in attendance according to the official FIFA rankings, but it's hard to see them having enough attacking threat to overcome Belgium or England.

Group Winner: Belgium
Group Second Place: England

Group H

Poland, Senegal, Colombia, Japan

Poland come into the group as the favorites, but the worry is that they could be a little too one dimensional and depend too heavily on Robert Lewandowski. If other countries can contain him, do they have a plan B? For Senegal, they just might have enough defensive strength in Kalidou Koulibaly, Cheikhou Kouyaté and Idrissa Gana Gueye. Even if they do, they’ll need Sadio Mané to impress in attack as well. I think they are up to the task to pull off the upset.

Colombia's Yerry Mina has the best name of the tournament, making that a repeat victory in the category for Colombia after "Ha-mez Rodríguez" in 2014. Yerry and Davinson Sánchez should shine in defense for Colombia, while James, Juan Cuadrado and Radamel Falcao should carry the team offensively. Japan has some big names in Shinji Kagawa and Keisuke Honda, but their problem is that Honda is now 32 and playing in Mexico. They could surprise teams in the group, but over three games won't end up in the top half.

Group Winner: Colombia
Group Second Place: Senegal